I wanted to write a little bit about families in this entry. I don't really know why, but the thought entered my head while at work today and I thought I'd run with it. Families are very interesting things, and how we perceive them, or even just how we perceive the word, can be strange. I can't speak for everyone, so I'll just talk about my own experience.

I think for everyone, family is a very important part of the early years of life. This isn't exactly a profound statement. However, at some point I started to despise my family. Maybe that's a little too harsh of a word, but I hated the dysfunction going on around me. I got to a point somewhere in middle school (shortly after my parents divorced) where my friends became ultimately more important to me than my family. I wasn't shy in expressing that my family was easily second on my list behind my friends. I think this is also the reason I have so many really close friends.

Early in middle school I became very good friends with Nathan, Aaron, and Blake, and their families. Well, not so much Nathan's, ironically, but definitely Aaron and Blake's. I was at a point where I called both of their parents mom and dad and their houses were like second (and third) homes for me. I cringed any time there was a family dinner or family gathering looming, or any time my friends would be out of town or busy. I didn't like going home because I didn't have a very good relationship with my mom and I hated my little brother. At this time, obviously, I was living with my mom, but even when that changed, I still preferred my friends over my family because I had grown so close to them.

My mom marrying a redneck she met at a country and western bar and moving into a fifth wheel trailer in the middle of nowhere certainly didn't help things. As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I'm making it sound like I'm blaming everyone in my family for this problem but I do realize that my own attitude very much determined this, by the way. I moved in with my dad, and shortly thereafter he married Adam's mom. The only good thing to come out of that mess was becoming better friends with Adam, yet another friend I became very close to and I still consider a brother. Things were just happening all around me in my family that I absolutely couldn't stand. I hated every-other-weekend and going out to my mom's. I would just sit on the phone the entire time or play video games or something. But I also didn't enjoy being at home, either. I was really only happy when I was hanging out with one of my friends.

I recall a lot of times throughout high school when I actually had a mind of my own (Right? Right.) answering questions either in conversation or in essay form or something of the sort about how I didn't even consider my "family" family. My friends were my real family, and that's honestly how I felt. And oh, man, did it ever get worse when I had a girlfriend. In case you weren't aware, I have a very obsessive personality. I'm not saying that when I had a girlfriend I was obsessive and creepy, but I put a lot of myself into the relationship, most likely trying to fill something that I felt I was missing because I hated my family.

So, there are two questions that are coming out of this. The first question is, "Where was God this whole time?" Now, first of all, the way I worded the question makes me sound like one of those losers when something bad happens and they say "Where's GOD?" I'm not saying that at all. What I mean is, where was my relationship with God this whole time? The answer: It was all over the place. For a while early in high school I was very active with my Youth Group, though one could argue that our main focus wasn't God in the first place. So, really, for the most part, a lot of this was either when I was too young to understand what truly focusing on God was, or I knew but wasn't putting forth the effort that I should have been. However, I can't honestly look back and think that if my relationship with God was ever-present that entire time, things would have been better with my family.

The second question is just the follow-up. How are things now? Completely and utterly different. Now that I'm an adult (and I do use the term loosely), I have a great relationship with each of my parents. I don't despise my stepdad, and I'm old enough to see that in his own detached way, he really does love Alex and I better than like his own kids. My relationship with my mother has definitely grown. However, where I've seen the most growth is my relationship with Alex. It's truly amazing how not living with someone and being able to have your own space can improve your friendship and brotherhood.

I can really see that my past experiences with my family have definitely influenced my family life with Tiffany. However, luckily, it's shown me some things to improve upon and we've been successful in doing that. I mentioned earlier that a better personal relationship with God wouldn't have magically helped my relationship with my family, but I can see that an almost cooperative relationship with God and my wife is definitely helping my marriage. It's been an interesting journey with my family and it continues to be, but all in all my relationships with them have indeed improved with age.

-Ryan J. Schwimmer