This has nothing to do with chivalry. Did I fool you?

Relationships in modern society are, simply put, a pain in the neck. There was a time when I thought to find out why. I came up with a few theories. My first one dates back to the beginning of time. Eve ate some fruit that God told her not to, then Adam ate the fruit, and God punished them. Among their punishments were not being able to live in paradise, painful childbirth, etc. I think that Moses forgot to mention relationship trauma.

So, God's pissed because the beings to whom he gave freewill with just one forbidden thing totally screwed up. I've been pissed at people before. If they deserve punishment, I'm going to find a good way to punish them. God does as well. So he's like "When your children's children (times a thousand or whatever) are ready to make relationships, they will suffer." So it is written, and so it shall be done, right? So here we are, that children's children times a thousand, and it's not like it used to be. My grandma will tell me of her dating years, and one thing hasn't changed a bit. The woman is still completely in control. She will also say that it was so simple back then. If they "kinda fancied" a guy, they would date. The guy would be a perfect gentleman, and there were disagreements and arguments every now and then.

Now, it seems, the fun comes every now and then, and the arguments fill all the time in between. It's a shame, really. There's also a lot more complication getting something started. I know someone, let's call him Blathan, who is stuck between a rock and a bigger rock at the moment. See, he likes this girl who doesn't like him. It's the age-old story, right? Of course not. Because their mutual friend likes him. So the girl he likes is trying to hook him up with the girl that likes him but he doesn't like her. AT ALL. It's just a really retarded situation.

I am by no means a master at relationships. However, I have been told by way more than one person that I give good advice on relationships. So my advice for this situation was to be as blunt as possible with both parties, and create as much distance as possible as well. This would work if it were me, but it's not. See my friend (who we are still calling Blathan) is a very nice person. That's not a terrible thing, but when you're so nice you suffer as a result, that's not good. Blathan has shown improvement on the situation, in case you were wondering.

This could all be just fine if the involved parties would just make things similar. When you like someone, tell them. When you don't like someone, tell them. It seems so simple, right? Because the truth is, we're not living in the 40's and 50's. If a girl likes a guy, she should just tell him. She shouldn't sit there and hint about it forever until he realizes, because he probably never will.

I just remembered about something: Stages of dating. Someone in high school told me the stages of dating. "This is going to be retarded," I told her. "No it's not, it's how it works," she told me. "Okay, hit me." "Well first, there's 'Talking.'" "Talking? Are you serious? What does that mean?" "Before two people are dating, they're just setting stuff up, and there's flirting going on and such." "Unbelievable, go on." "After talking there's dating." "Yeah, whatever." "After dating, there's dating exclusively." "So you mean going out." "No." "Then what do you mean?" "You're dating, and you'd be mad or think it was wrong if the other person went on a date with someone else." "So you mean going out." "No." "Go on." "AFTER dating exclusively is going out, the boyfriend and girlfriend thing." ".............Please never speak to me again."

I kid you not, that's how the conversation went. I guess my brain is just too small to fit all of this information in my head. To me, there's Dating, Going out. Two stages! How simple! Apparently this is blasphemy. I wasn't raised to date more than one girl at a time. That's called cheating. Someone, please explain to me why it isn't.

I don't understand why dating is such a complicated thing. It really doesn't need to be. Two people like each other, are compatible, and meet each other's standards, date. If any one of those three things aren't there, don't date. And be honest. Once you are in a relationship, especially. Coming from someone who's been lied to, BE HONEST! That's absolutely one of the most important things in a relationship.

Good luck in your quests for a lasting relationship,

Ryan J. Schwimmer

"So this is the new year,
And I don't feel any different."
-Death Cab for Cutie - The New Year.

It is officially 2006 as I write this. Mere hours ago the world was re-living the year that was coming to an end. Now, the world is talking about the year ahead. When people do this, they normally speak of "New Year Resolutions." If you've lived in Mexico for your entire life, these resolutions are goals for the year ahead. On most peoples' lists are Quitting smoking, Quitting drinking, or going to church more often. Now, resolutions aren't limited to things of that sort. As a matter of fact I personally know someone whose goal for the near year is to lose his virginity in the next two months. Good for him, I guess. If that's what his goal is, then I hope he realizes that goal.

Unfortunately, New Year Resolutions are seldom kept. The trick to this is to either make no resolutions at all, or make them so that they can easily be achieved. What I have done the past few years is, honestly, forget about them after a while. This year, however, I have resolved to remember my resolutions and try my hardest to fulfill them. It's a vicious circle. From most of the resolutions that I've heard from friends, I hope that they fulfill them, because for most of them it is completely to the betterment of them. So, I'll start out with the three most common Resolutions:

1. Quit Smoking/Drinking. I think this is pretty self-explanatory. I think that it's a lot tougher than it should be to achieve, however. Too many people really rely on cigarettes or alcohol to get them through the day. I don't understand it because I'm not addicted to either, so my advice to them would be to just stop. Apparently it's harder than that.

2. Go to church more often. This is one of my resolutions, as well as a couple of other people I know. I used to go to church every Sunday and most Wednesdays, no matter what. I would like to get back into that habit. But unfortunately, I am also in the habit of staying up too late on Saturday nights. That habit overpowers my will to go to church. As far as achieving this resolution, I think that reminding myself that I have to go to sleep earlier on Saturday nights will be the main task. Shouldn't be too terribly difficult.

3. Start and maintain a healthy relationship. A friend of mine stated this as one of his/her resolutions. This person hadn't had many relationships in the past, they all ended badly, or started badly for that matter. Relationships are very important to most people. Now that I think of it, the topic of relationships are an entirely different post altogether, so I won't delve too much into it here. I think that my friend is on the right path to making this resolution happen. Like I said, it's difficult. So more power to them.

4. Lose virginity in the next two months. Whatever floats your boat and choo-choo's your rocket.

5. Focus more on school. This is very important. I guess I could say that this is one of my resolutions, but mine is more along the lines of "Get back into school." I have a career now that pays me well and has a lot of room for improvement, but I still want to go to school and get my degree. And also, I still love writing and have a great passion for writing, so I don't want to give that up.

6. Read more. This is one of mine as well. About a month ago, I got into a kick where I wanted to read more, but I didn't have anything to read that really grabbed my attention. Well, just this very day, I went to Barnes & Noble and read the first ten pages of Lamb by Christopher Moore. It is absolute sheer genius. I would love to have a passion for reading, but it's just not there. But I have a feeling this book is going to fly by.

That's all I have for right now. If you have made any New Years Resolutions, I hope that you stick with them and that they improve your life when you accomplish them. In the words of Rob Schneider: "You can do it!"

Ryan J. Schwimmer