Oh my God I wish it would just get here. This is already turning out to be an incredibly stressful week. Mother's day came and went, but not without issue. People are trying to do things for us that we don't want them to do for us. I know they're trying to help, but especially when we say things like "I'll take care of it," it's really irritating when they don't listen at all. We're trying to get Tiffany moved into the apartment before the wedding, little by little, but I honestly don't know if it's actually going to happen. We have a lot of stuff moved, my apartment's a mess, as is her room, but I doubt we'll have everything there in the next couple of days. It still seems like we have a lot left to do...

My (soon-to-be) father in law showed up ahead of schedule yesterday. I'm very glad that he's here because being a truck driver, there are so many things that can go wrong and so any stress of him not being here on time for everything is now gone, however him being here also piles on some more stress about different things. I'm very afraid that Tiffany will not be able to get any sleep in the next few days. He's a very loud person. He really tries (bless his heart) to be quiet, but even when he thinks he's being quiet, it wakes her or keeps her up. And whenever he gets home, he feels like he has to get a lot of miscellaneous things done all at once, since normally he's only home for a short time. Hopefully he'll realize that he has a week to get things done and doesn't need to be completely impatient and flushed about everything.

Last weekend was when both Tiffany and I had our bachelorette/bachelor parties (respectively). We both had a blast. Tiffany really didn't want to go out on her's, but once she got there she had a lot of fun, which is definitely good because she needed it. Her and Stefanie went to Club Rodeo and danced, which yes, does indeed make me a little uncomfortable. But I was pretty good most of the night. I left her alone until she would message me or something. Anyways, they had a good time and I'm very proud of her for scaring away guys that tried to talk to her (like telling them that dancing is against her religion and that she's getting married in a week... ha ha). Blake orchestrated a great bachelor party for me. We went to Chris Humphreys' (who is awesome for hosting the event) house and ate and played Halo (1 & 2). Nathan, Josh, Alex, and Cody Beverage joined us and it was just a really good time. The weekend was good for a break from stress.

Stress... such as finding out that Pastor Walker had a heartattack on Friday, May 4th. Tiffany and I both felt awful as the second thought that came to our minds was whether he was going to be able to do the wedding. He is, though he might have to be seated for most of it. Not a problem of course. Not to mention his wife is also incredibly sick at home and all this other stuff. Things are just getting very complicated and I CAN NOT wait to have this whole thing over with and go on the honeymoon. It's going to be nice in Dallas, but I found out today that it's supposed to rain every day that we're in Cozumel.

I write this as I'm at work for the last day until after Memorial Day. It's been an incredibly long day, as I'm sure most everyone can imagine. At 7:00, when I leave, I'm pretty sure I won't stop working on wedding stuff or doing stuff pertaining to the wedding (including moving Tiffany's things) until Friday. SIGH...

I think I'm starting to get nervous about the wedding.

It's a pretty weird feeling. I was nervous when I asked Tiffany to marry me, but that's just because I'm a pessimist and thought that she might say no. That was made worse when the day before my birthday (when I was to propose) Tiffany told me that her pastor decided to sit her down and made her promise to not get married or engaged for two years. This was, no doubt, brought on by her father, who was appalled and shocked when I asked his permission to propose.

The scenario, as it played out in my head, went like this: I call Mr. Grose and tell him of my plans approximately two weeks before. He doesn't give me the answer I was expecting, saying he wanted to think about it and call me back. I wait for about a week and a half or so and he calls me back. He said that at the time he couldn't give me his blessing. When he realized I was going to ask her anyways, he freaks out. He calls Pastor Walker and says something very close to "HELP! MY DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND IS GOING TO ASK HER TO MARRY HIM AND IT'S GOING TO RUIN HER LIFE!" Thus, Pastor talks to Tiffany.

So anyway, the day before I go to propose she tells me this. Blah, blah, blah, obviously I went ahead and asked and she said yes. So I was nervous then. But since then, I haven't really been nervous about getting married until now. It's not because I think I might be making a mistake. It could just be the actual wedding itself (as in, the event). But as I sit here thinking about getting married, the feeling is in my stomach--like butterflies or something. Maybe it's that now that it's a little more than three weeks away, I'm finally starting to really be excited about it.

I think it's just the event itself that's making me nervous. We've gone through a lot to plan all of this, and I think I'll feel responsible if everyone doesn't have a great time. I know I shouldn't worry about that because it's their own stupid faults if they don't have a good time, but I do. It's probably just my pessimism peeking through, but I'm also a little worried that something's going to go wrong. Does the supporting cast I've chosen have the ability to take care of something if it goes wrong? I think so. I hope so. I don't have doubts about everyone.

Tiffany just told me she's a little bit nervous too. I'm not sure if she's telling the truth or just saying it to make me feel better, but either way it works.

'Til the next time I say a sentence and it inspires me to write a full blog entry...

-Ryan J. Schwimmer

I cannot even begin to describe how ready I am for the wedding to be here. But I'm going to try my best to do so for the sake of the blog. Like I mentioned in my last post, for the past six months or so now, the wedding has been the primary thing on my mind. When Tiffany and I were first discussing who would be doing what different things, the first thing I volunteered (and somewhat demanded) was to be in charge of the music, for instance. Since then, as much as Tiffany likes to think otherwise, I've been working diligently on accumulating enough music, finding the right music, and organizing it. That's just one thing.

Whether it's music or just planning any one of the many other things that go into a wedding, it's dominated both myself and Tiffany's time. There have been many times I've thought about how much I wished we had actually spent the money to hire a wedding coordinator. Even though we're having a small wedding, I completely understand why people would do it now. It just seems like many stressed-out times and fights could have been saved if we weren't doing it all ourselves. But alas, we did, and it's almost over.

As much as I've been trying to say that to myself, it doesn't really help the stress level at all. Yeah, the stress has been on-and-off during this time, but now it seems to be on-and-on (and on and on). Especially when the stupid government won't get a stupid passport back even though it was ordered at the beginning of February. I have no doubt that it's going to get here in time, but this is getting ridiculous. She sent off for her passport February 1, using the regular method, which at the VERY longest should have taken 8 weeks. 10-11 weeks later, we still don't have it. Add that to all the trouble we had with my passport, and it really gets ridiculous.

But I digress. I'm pretty hard on myself most of the time. I think I've inherited a certain trait of my family which involves making too much out of a situation and stressing out entirely too much. So I have made it a little harder on myself. Once I realize exactly how much there is to do, I start to think about the worst possible scenarios. So that's pretty bad.

Granted, a lot of my stress has also come from places I didn't expect. When I first started this whole thing and thought about my attendants for the wedding party, my original plan was to have Blake, Nathan, and Aaron as my co-best men, with Alex and Adam as ushers. Then a few months ago I found out that Adam was being shipped off to Iraq for six months. I was really bummed about it for quite a while. So I asked my brother Randy to take his place. I wanted him in the wedding to begin with, but I knew that with his busy schedule and living in California and everything, some of the duties might be a little hard for him. He accepted. No problem. I was pressuring everyone to get measured for their tuxes so we could get those in, and the main problems I was having were with Aaron and Randy. Then one day I called Aaron to ask if he had gotten measured, and he lets me know that he will not be able to attend the wedding either. He has a big art show that he's been asked to be a part of, and it's a really big deal. Really super bummed about that as well. So I figured it wasn't a big deal, Nathan and Blake will be great as co-best men and I wouldn't need a replacement or anything. Then I called Randy and asked him for his tux measurements, and he told me that he has this super huge work thing he has to do (he's basically Mr. Important out there) and won't be able to come either. BIGGER bummer. So I asked Josh to complete the quartet and be the second usher, and he was cool with that.

Deep breaths. So that's what was going on there. I'm happy with the groomsmen I have selected now. I hate to make people feel like they were a second choice or something, but it's a small wedding so I couldn't have included everyone at first anyways. But now that I know that's set, it's taken a lot of stress off. Blake's planning a killer bachelor party (in geek terms, seeing as how the bachelor party is going to consist merely of a bunch of guys hanging out playing videogames), so that should be fun.

So with a month left now, we're starting to dwindle down the list of things left to do. Now that I know that, it's becoming a little easier to get motivated to finish things. After all of the things we've done, we know that it's almost over. We still have a little bit to do.


I guess there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

The last time I posted on this blog was precisely 1 year, 2 months and 24 days ago. I haven't written anything since then. I used to be able to write about anything and everything but for some reason I haven't been able to. Eighteen days before that, I went on my first date with the love of my life and my future wife. You'd think that would give me enough to write about, right?

Wrong. I don't know what it is. For the first few months I was really busy spending every waking moment with Tiffany, along with working. I was just a couple of months into my job at the time, so that took up a lot of time as well. After that, though, the time just started slipping away. It's really summer to fall of last year that I don't have any excuse for why I wasn't writing anything. I proposed to her at the end of the summer. After that it was all sorts of wedding planning (which, by the way, is STILL not over).

All of this would not be a problem at all if I didn't have any desire to be writing. Alas, I have a desire to write. Thus, problem. So, this is my attempt at changing that and actually getting something out there. I need to figure something out to keep this going. No promises though. Check back and all.