Just a fair warning on this: As you might guess by the title (which is actually almost never conducive of what the post is going to be about, as most of the time I use a random lyric from a song or a song title), this post is going to be a bit different from the past couple. We'll start at the beginning.

So I wake up this morning and my back is killing me. It's hurting in places it's never hurt before, my feet are still pretty sore, but I decide that I'm going to do my best to not focus on that. And it worked, for the most part. My feet didn't hurt until we were done with activities, and my back always hurts a little bit in certain situations, so that's fine. This morning, Tiffany and I had an AWESOME icebreaker. We made two of the kids first bob for 5 gummy worms in baked beans. Man, that was nasty, nasty stuff. To make it even worse better, as soon as they had their 5 gummy worms, they had to bob for marshmallows in flour. So, the result was a floury-barbecue-NASTY paste on their face. God, it was awesome.

We didn't have as much prep work to do (aside from blow up 150 balloons and tie string to them all) as we did yesterday, so today went a little smoother, I think. Something interesting that ended up happening was that around 5:00 or so, things started to fall apart a little bit. I'm not exactly sure what was happening elsewhere in the camp, but I know that a girl named Miranda was hurt playing Spoon Hockey. And seriously, it couldn't have happened to a nicer girl. If all of these kids were like Miranda, Tiffany and I would have an easy time. So, she gets hurt, and she starts complaining that she can't go back and play more spoon hockey to help her team. I mean, this girl can't walk. We found out later that she most likely pulled or tore a muscle or ligament or tendon or something in her leg. Even more unfortunate than all of that is the fact that she won't be coming back. I know that's gotta be devastating for her, because when she first got hurt I guess the nurse made her call her mom, and all she was saying was "DON'T COME GET ME, MOM, OKAY?" over and over. I'm devastated for her, I really am. It was to a point when Tiffany told me to stop worrying about it and I just told her, "Let me feel bad for the girl please." I don't know how to explain it. So I'm not going to try. I'm too tired and too worn out and exhausted to try.

So that was the first thing that happened, and again apparently some other stuff was happening around the camp. It was obvious to Max that we were being attacked spiritually and we needed to be ready. So, before service he has us all pray for protection and such from attacks from the enemy. Apparently I wasn't quite ready.

In case you aren't aware, I go to a "Spirit-Filled" church. This is also called "Pentecostal" and other things. Basically it's the idea that people speak in tongues to pray to God. Again, too tired, exhausted, worn out, etc to explain more at this point (If you have questions about anything let me know later and I'll be comfortably uncomfortable explaining it to you). It's funny because when Tiffany and I first started dating, I was very weirded out by the whole speaking in tongues thing and all that. Anywho, I've been praying for a while to receive this spiritual gift, because lately (as I stated a couple blog entries ago), I've had moments where I am feeling led to pray for someone but I don't know what to pray for or who it is. Praying in tongues can do some of that work for you, and I feel as though this is something I want and desire as 1 Corinthians 12 or 14 or something says you should do for spiritual gifts. Anyways, I'm digressing way too much. So service starts, and we do praise & worship, and Marty shares that God is doing some work here and that if the campers have that desire for the gift of speaking in tongues and wanted to receive it, they needed to come forward and everything. So a lot of them did, and all the while I'm thinking to myself "This is all about the kids, there's no way I'm going up there and taking this away from them at all."

Well, I don't know if that decision was a good or a bad decision (or both), because what started right then as many of the campers worshiped at the front of the sanctuary was one of the most horrible things I've encountered spiritually. I thought to myself, "I don't need to go up there, I will do as Pastor Marty instructs but just do this from my seat." So I lifted my hands, I used my tongue, I praised and I praised and I praised and I praised. I did this for a long time and then all of a sudden I started feeling like I needed to cry. So, some tears come out (man, I'm really delving into this comfortably uncomfortable thing), and as I'm standing there, my back, which is pretty stiff and hurting to the point where it's affecting me walking, starts hurting even worse than it did. I would say not quite double the pain but something close. Then, it moved to my feet. (BTW, I slipped today and possibly broke my toe. I really don't think so, but Tiffany thinks I should get it checked out). My feet started hurting twice as bad as they were. And after this, I start getting a headache (which I hadn't had all day). This all hits me pretty much at once. I'm praying now that God would help me with this pain and stop it. Didn't happen at this point, and that is when my emotions really started being attacked.

All of a sudden, I'm looking around, and I'm having this desire to pray for people, however what is being given and received and everything is all about receiving what is called the "baptism of the Holy Spirit." Which, I haven't received. I wasn't going to go in there and ruin that. (Maybe this is yet another attack.) Then I kept feeling this desire to go pray for people and everything, and I knew that I couldn't do it. I felt worthless. I start basically sobbing in my seat. There is awesome stuff happening at the altar and instead of praising God for what he is doing, I have my head in my hands crying like a little girl and actually probably worse. So I sit there like this, crying out to God to make it stop. At this point I realized that I was being attacked by the enemy, because there's no way this happens to me if it wasn't. I realized that the devil is trying to not only cripple me physically but emotionally as well. This time is normally when a prayer would be said, and things would start coming back to normal. Well, this didn't happen for me.

It kept getting worse. And worse. I kept sobbing in my chair, and I am sitting here reminding the devil very sternly that he can't touch me because I'm God's property and in Jesus' name and all this... anyways, I come to the conclusion that this wouldn't be happening if I didn't feel worthless. And I wouldn't feel worthless if I had the spiritual gift of praying in tongues. So I open my Bible to 1 Corinthians and I start reading. I pray for God to show me how it works. So I read there in my chair, still crying, and I'm not getting much of anywhere. I start crying out that "I know it's in here! I know the answer is in here, God! Tell me where it is, show me and let me receive this." I read everywhere my flipping through the Bible led me, but I wasn't finding the answer I was looking for. Now I'm getting frustrated, and we're at a whole other issue here.

That's about as much detail as I'm going into today. Basically what happened was that I was totally bombarded by attacks from the enemy and for some reason I couldn't fend them off. Tiffany came up to me later and asked if I was okay, and instead of shrugging it off (which, ask her, I do most of the time when I'm asked that question), I just looked at her and said, "No, not really."

I've come out of that negative and depressed spirit for the most part since then, and hopefully I can stay out of it from here on out. Since all of this happened though, I've been completely worn out, exhausted, do I really need to type all of the adjectives again? I'm very tired and I need some sleep in order to be energized for tomorrow. Mud Games! Here's hoping and praying for no pain.

Anyways, thank you all for reading. Please understand that these entries have been incredibly hard for me to share, and I hope that you all enjoy them. I'm not used to this at all, but slowly but surely I'm working on breaking through my comfort zone. Blah Blah Blah, COMMENT! and I'll see you soon

*My name is Ryan J. Schwimmer, and I approve this okay blog.*