This has nothing to do with chivalry. Did I fool you?

Relationships in modern society are, simply put, a pain in the neck. There was a time when I thought to find out why. I came up with a few theories. My first one dates back to the beginning of time. Eve ate some fruit that God told her not to, then Adam ate the fruit, and God punished them. Among their punishments were not being able to live in paradise, painful childbirth, etc. I think that Moses forgot to mention relationship trauma.

So, God's pissed because the beings to whom he gave freewill with just one forbidden thing totally screwed up. I've been pissed at people before. If they deserve punishment, I'm going to find a good way to punish them. God does as well. So he's like "When your children's children (times a thousand or whatever) are ready to make relationships, they will suffer." So it is written, and so it shall be done, right? So here we are, that children's children times a thousand, and it's not like it used to be. My grandma will tell me of her dating years, and one thing hasn't changed a bit. The woman is still completely in control. She will also say that it was so simple back then. If they "kinda fancied" a guy, they would date. The guy would be a perfect gentleman, and there were disagreements and arguments every now and then.

Now, it seems, the fun comes every now and then, and the arguments fill all the time in between. It's a shame, really. There's also a lot more complication getting something started. I know someone, let's call him Blathan, who is stuck between a rock and a bigger rock at the moment. See, he likes this girl who doesn't like him. It's the age-old story, right? Of course not. Because their mutual friend likes him. So the girl he likes is trying to hook him up with the girl that likes him but he doesn't like her. AT ALL. It's just a really retarded situation.

I am by no means a master at relationships. However, I have been told by way more than one person that I give good advice on relationships. So my advice for this situation was to be as blunt as possible with both parties, and create as much distance as possible as well. This would work if it were me, but it's not. See my friend (who we are still calling Blathan) is a very nice person. That's not a terrible thing, but when you're so nice you suffer as a result, that's not good. Blathan has shown improvement on the situation, in case you were wondering.

This could all be just fine if the involved parties would just make things similar. When you like someone, tell them. When you don't like someone, tell them. It seems so simple, right? Because the truth is, we're not living in the 40's and 50's. If a girl likes a guy, she should just tell him. She shouldn't sit there and hint about it forever until he realizes, because he probably never will.

I just remembered about something: Stages of dating. Someone in high school told me the stages of dating. "This is going to be retarded," I told her. "No it's not, it's how it works," she told me. "Okay, hit me." "Well first, there's 'Talking.'" "Talking? Are you serious? What does that mean?" "Before two people are dating, they're just setting stuff up, and there's flirting going on and such." "Unbelievable, go on." "After talking there's dating." "Yeah, whatever." "After dating, there's dating exclusively." "So you mean going out." "No." "Then what do you mean?" "You're dating, and you'd be mad or think it was wrong if the other person went on a date with someone else." "So you mean going out." "No." "Go on." "AFTER dating exclusively is going out, the boyfriend and girlfriend thing." ".............Please never speak to me again."

I kid you not, that's how the conversation went. I guess my brain is just too small to fit all of this information in my head. To me, there's Dating, Going out. Two stages! How simple! Apparently this is blasphemy. I wasn't raised to date more than one girl at a time. That's called cheating. Someone, please explain to me why it isn't.

I don't understand why dating is such a complicated thing. It really doesn't need to be. Two people like each other, are compatible, and meet each other's standards, date. If any one of those three things aren't there, don't date. And be honest. Once you are in a relationship, especially. Coming from someone who's been lied to, BE HONEST! That's absolutely one of the most important things in a relationship.

Good luck in your quests for a lasting relationship,

Ryan J. Schwimmer